"Alan Weiss is, without doubt, one of the most astute business people I've come across in the last 20 years."

Anne Miller
Metaphorically Selling
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The Balancing Act® E-Newsletter: October 2012 Special Edition

I'm providing you with a Balancing Act Special Report, below. If you find it useful, I ask only that you cast a vote for me in a beach photo contest. I'm engaged in heavy competition with my photo #3, Heavenly Gull. You can vote for it here:http://www.wardrealty.co/Photo-Contest/2012/index.html

I don't win any money, but just the honor of my photo and gull coming in first place. Let's immortalize the bird!

And with my compliments for your consideration of the above, here's "How to Escape Misery":

How to Escape Misery

How to escape misery. That¹s right. I¹m going to help you very quickly, very rapidly escape misery. So listen, if one or more of these apply to you, here¹s how you escape.

Number 1, stop internalizing and personalizing everybody else¹s problems. There¹s a word for that and it¹s call "neuroses." Other people have problems and they are responsible for solving them. Believing that you are somehow the one who has to take on the burden is ridiculous. Let them have the responsibility. By all means, support them. But don¹t think it¹s your internal problem or challenge to do so.

Next, forgive yourself. That¹s right, you deserve to be happy. Start giving yourself a break. You forgive others, right? Why not forgive yourself. The person we least forgive is the person in the mirror. So stop suffering, stop holding long and deep grudges, stop treating yourself like you ought to be beaten down. You¹re not unworthy. So stop telling yourself you are.

Next, stop isolating yourself. Don¹t avoid contact. You need a support system. It might be loved ones. It might be family. It might be friends. It might be colleagues. It might be people at work or people at clients or people in trade associations or people in the community or people at the coffee shop. Don¹t allow yourself to be isolated. Don¹t reject help that¹s offered. I¹m not talking about unsolicited feedback. I am talking about honest to goodness offers of support.

Next, stop trying to please everybody. We spend a whole lot of time trying to make sure everybody else is pleased with us. Don¹t compromise your standards. It¹s okay if some people are ticked off. ³What did he say?² Yes, I said it. It¹s all right. Your personal value doesn¹t depend on acceptance of others. Your personal value depends upon self-mastery. That is, how do you feel about yourself?

Next, stop comparing yourself with others. You¹re your own person. So speaking of self- mastery, be ipsative not normative. In other words, who are you according to you? Stop looking at others as your standard. Stop looking at others as the people who are your avatars. A lot of those people have feet of clay. A lot of those people are before congressional hearings right now or they¹re indicted for fraud. Please stop worrying about it and just be yourself.

Next, live for the moment. Don¹t look back in nostalgia and don¹t look forward in anticipation, look around and enjoy yourself. Today is today; it won¹t come again. Nor will this minute. And so, enjoy yourself in the moment. That¹s what self-actualization is all about. Don¹t be afraid to relish where you are right now. Don¹t feel guilty about that. Enjoy yourself. Connected with that, don¹t dwell on past mistakes and failures. I¹ve got news for you, you can¹t undo them. In fact, the best thing you can do is learn from them. But then, move on. Stop focussing on things you can no longer change. It¹s astounding how many people spend time focussed on things they have no power in the world to change. Making yourself miserable doesn¹t help others you¹ve made miserable in the past, trust me.

Next, try to stay positive and oriented towards solutions and new levels of performance. Don¹t be negative. Don¹t always look at problems. I talk to people who sigh after every other sentence. That¹s right, ³{sigh} well I guess I¹ll get more money today.² Oh that¹s too bad, sorry to hear it. For goodness sakes, remain positive. Self-talk is real talk. Talk to yourself positively and look at your surroundings positively. Believe me, it could be worse.

Next, don¹t allow yourself to be controlled by others or by circumstances. It¹s too easy in a world that is trying every day to make you into something else to fall victim to that. So don¹t allow yourself to be controlled. Don¹t worry about what the advertisements say you should be wearing. Don¹t worry about what unsolicited feedback tells you about your behavior or your speaking or your interactions. Don¹t allow yourself to be controlled by others unless you respect their opinion and unless you solicit it.

Next, take on involvement and responsibility. People who take on accountabilities are better off. The best people I meet on committees, on boards, on task forces are those who stand out in a crowd and chair something, or head something, or take a risk. Try things new. You¹ll be successful. You¹ll get increased satisfaction. But don¹t sit around avoiding involvement, avoiding responsibility. The world is not like that. Step out in the crowd. Get into the limelight.

Two more. First, set realistic expectations for yourself. If you want to lose weight, if you want to get in shape, fine. But telling yourself to lose 35 pounds in 2 months is ridiculous. On the other hand, signing up for a gym and promising to go 3 times a week is probably pretty achievable. Don¹t set unrealistic goals. Don¹t tell yourself you¹re going to make a million dollars one year from now. If you do, great! Listen, I¹m not against having all the confidence in the world. But it¹s much better to say, ³Someday, but in the meanwhile, I¹m going to double my present income from $200,000 to $400,000.² So don¹t set unrealistic expectations. Set expectations and achievements that you¹re likely to hit.

Finally, base your worth on things that you believe in. Don¹t base your worth on externals. Not external feedback. Not the way you look. No what you do. That is not your job title. Not the possessions you have. Love yourself unconditionally. Don¹t base your worth on things to be pointed to. Now that comes from someone who wrote "Million Dollar Consulting," and I am well aware of that. But I also know who I am. You have to know you¹re a good person. You have to believe that you¹re a good person. And if you do, the world will look a lot better because you¹re a good person.

© Alan Weiss 2012. All rights reserved.
Vote for the gull!!